Today we are talking about why.
Why is the most challenging question to ask but the only thing we want an answer to, and you may never know why this happened. You may know the medical cause of the loss of your baby, but that does not speak to why. Why did this happen? Why to me? These are great questions, and you deserve the answer, but you might have to come to terms that you won’t get one here in this life. It does not hurt to ask. At this point, we have gone over that God still speaks and how God speaks to you.
Ask God. He could answer you.
I did not need to know why, so I never formally asked God why this happened to me. Despite this, I feel that God has given me two possible options on why.
- Nila severed her purpose. Her purpose was to save my life, my soul and to create the mom I was supposed to be. God used her to change me forever. This pregnancy broke me down, but it built me back up and now, my life stands on the rock of Jesus. She will have a crown in heaven for my salvation because she is the human soul, the only soul God used to change me eternally.
- I am Job. For those of you who don’t know Job’s story, I will summarize it for you. God shows the devil what an excellent servant Job is, and the devil says that Job is only good because he is rich, healthy, has a big family, and has no complaints. The devil says that if everything perished, then Job would curse God. So, God allows the devil to kill his entire family, take all his money, and take his health, but he cannot kill him. In all this, Job never curses God. He was sad, he was mad, but he never cursed God. Job 1:21 says “… “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gives, and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Verse 22 says, “In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” Eventually, Job got everything back plus some. Nevertheless, I feel like my “why” could have been a Job story.
While I was pregnant, I struggled with believing if the change in me was real. Even my friends questioned my salvation. They had seen it before; I’d follow Jesus for a few months and then go back to my old ways. Their worry made me worry, so I cried out to God to see if they were right, and this is what God told me “I have crumbled your foundation and rebuilt you on the rock. You will not fall.”
So, possibly the devil told God that I would curse Him if Nila were stillborn, I would turn to my old ways. I believe God laughed and said, “sure, I’ll take her.” God not only got my daughter, but he got me too. Her death brought me so much closer to Him. I bet the devil wishes he would have never requested her life. He could never have imagined what a life that never took a breath could accomplish in a world where her name is barely known.
Comparing my story to Job’s story may sound terrible, but I don’t mind. I know God did not do this to me. I understand we live in a fallen world, and death is the result for all of us. Sometimes bad things happen, and God uses the event to reach us, form us, and free us.
The goal is today is ask yourself, do you want to know why, and if you do, talk to God.
You may get more than one answer. You may not like the answer. Please evaluate what you hear by:
- Always view the reason through God’s love.
- Share what you are hearing.
- Always compare it to the bible.
Hearing God on this topic may take a long time. Be patient with God and know He will tell you what you need to know.
Meditate on scripture during this time. Here is a suggestion:
Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Until next time.
Disclaimer, I am not a therapist or doctor. If you are considering hurting yourself or others, please seek medical attention. This advice and may not work for everyone.