Today we are talking about the world around you.
Eventually, the world will move on. Maybe it has been a while since you lost your baby, and the world has already moved on. Did you move on with it? Or do you feel alone in your grief now? The question you must ask is, do you want to move on with the world?
Please know I don’t believe moving on means you have forgotten your child. It doesn’t mean the pain goes away. Moving on doesn’t mean you don’t remember you’re your baby. Moving on does not suggest it never happened. I don’t think it makes you less of a mother. I have read a lot of stillborn stories, and I found one common factor. I felt like the moms had to keep their pain to keep their babies close. That the grief connects them to their child, pain should not be the connection. Freedom should be. You are that child’s mother forever, and no pain or healing, no emptiness or freedom can change that, and it doesn’t mean you can’t stay connected to them.
For me, I wanted to move on with my friends. I didn’t want to be left behind stuck in a hole of sorrow. God prepared me for the world to move on through a friend. She asked me, “when the text messages end, and the visitors stop coming, are you going to be okay?” I stood there silent for a moment, really wondering if I was going to be okay. All I could say was, “I hope so.” It was a tricky question, and at that time, I didn’t know the answer. Regardless, I was hopeful.
When Nila died, my entire world stopped, and I wanted the rest of the world to stop as mine had. While I was laboring and delivering my baby that would never take a breath, that was my world nothing else existed outside of that room. Even after being discharged from the hospital, I was still in that room. The delivery room was my world for a while. When my friend asked me if I would be okay when the world moved on, I realized that the world did not stop, and one day I would be here alone if I didn’t join the world again. That question brought me out of that hospital room and into the world that was moving on around me.
Today, I am 100% confident that I have moved on from the grief and pain that came from my stillborn daughter. I am not ashamed of it either. I don’t remember her with pain. I remember her with joy. I enjoy talking about her. I laugh when I tell the story of her birth because, honestly, there were some amusing moments, at least to me. And her story deserves to be said. She deserves to be remembered with laughter and happiness. I know that is what she would want for me.
Today’s goal, are you ready to move on with the world around you?
If you are not ready to move on and it hasn’t been that long, that is okay. I would say ask God to prepare you for moving forward.
Has it been a while since the loss of your child? Has your world moved on? If so, I would strongly encourage you to start this journey now. It is painfully beautiful and wonderfully freeing.
This step is between you and God. You need to be ready, and you need to be willing. I would suggest the following:
- Make a choice- you have to chose to move on
- Pray through it.
- What your thought patterns and try to change the thoughts that are keeping you from moving on
- Engage in others people’s lives. Ask more questions about others.
- Don’t give up
You can’t blame the people in your world for wanting to move on, but you can join them. You’ve known your child from the moment of their existence. Your friends and family were waiting to meet a child that moved on to heaven before they could. This loss isn’t as close to them as it is to you. Therefore, they are more likely to move on faster than you.
My prayer is that you will give your loved ones grace as they move on and that you would move on with them. Not at the same pace or within the same timeline, but eventually. Regardless of your process, know you are never alone. God is with you even if you feel everyone else has moved on.
As always, meditate on scripture during this time.
Here is a suggestion:
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 EVS
Until next time.
Disclaimer, I am not a therapist or doctor. If you are considering hurting yourself or others, please seek medical attention. This advice and may not work for everyone.