Stillborn- Loss
Stillborn- Loss

Stillborn- Loss

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Today we will talk about: Loss.

The obvious place to start, right?

Whether it was recent or years ago, losing a child or many children is the deepest pain. Regardless of time and numbers, you have lost a life. You have lost how you pictured your future. You have lost an idea that pregnancies end with healthy babies.

That was the first thing I notice when I experience my stillborn, not all babies are born alive.

While I was laboring my stillborn child, I knew that I did not want to live in the anguish squandering my soul. Therefore, I decided to let ALL my pain, my grief out as much as possible for as long as I needed. I cried so hard I thought I would vomit many times. Some days, I could not catch my breath. I kept close to my friends and family, talking so much I ran out of words. This process worked for me. I told the story of Nila’s birth over and over.

One day, I woke up ready to talk about something else, glad to see what was happening in my friends’ lives. The best thing I did was get away. Before Thanksgiving, I went to the mountains with a friend and our kids for a few days. I needed to get out of the norm, out of the familiar, and away from all I knew. When I came back, I felt ready for the next steps in my grief. For me, it took me a little over a month to get out of my hole.

Today’s goal is to stay, for now, in grief. Stay in your loss. Wallow in your sadness. Drown in your sorrow. That may sound harsh, but you must. Let out all the pain. However, that works for you.

Set aside time. If that is an hour or two or an entire day, do not rush. Do not hold back your anguish. If you have had enough for the day, put a wall up against your pain and do something else. Follow your process over and over until you feel you have had enough.

Here are some suggestions you could follow:

  • Cry.
  • Scream.
  • Punch a pillow.
  • Go to a boxing class if you want to punch something other than a pillow.
  • Talk.
  • Sit in silence.
  • Write a letter.
  • Write your story.
  • Read.
  • Take a walk.
  • Take a trip/day trip.
  • Take a bath/shower.
  • Make a list of all you have lost.

You do not have to do all the above-suggested items but do something.

There are two essential items, staying in your grief for too long can be unhealthy, while rushing through your grief can also be harmful. The timeline is different for everyone, and healing will look different for everyone, so find what works for you.

As you dive into your grief, I recommend meditating on scripture. Here is a suggestion:

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (NIV)

Recognize your loss, dive into your pain, and allow the grief to overtake you, and know that I am praying for you.

Until next time.

Disclaimer, I am not a therapist or doctor. If you are considering hurting yourself or others, please seek medical attention. This advice and may not work for everyone.


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