Today we are talking about forgiveness.
We have been working towards forgiveness for weeks now. I hope you are ready!
Forgiveness is not for others. It is for you. According to Google, Amy Cuddy, a psychologist, said, “fake it till you make it.” We all know the phrase and faking forgiveness may sound like terrible advice, but it may be all you can do right now. God understands where you are, so if all you can do is go through the motions, that is fine. One day, the forgiveness will become real.
I didn’t have to work through forgiveness. I didn’t blame anyone. I wasn’t mad at anyone. I find this to be a gift from God because there were many moments that I could have taken up and offense.
After getting situated in my delivery room, I felt empty. I had cried so much, and there wasn’t anything left for the moment. I believe a lab technician came in and drew blood. Before they left, they congratulated me. Another hospital employee asked me if I wanted to donate the umbilical cord. I said, “does the baby have to be alive?” The employee seemed uncomfortable, but I honestly wanted to know, not because I was not trying to be a jerk. These moments brought the tears back, and I didn’t hold anything against the hospital or the nurse. You see, my nurse had been so busy with me she had not put the sign on the door telling others that my baby had passed. My support wanted me to be angry, and because of the incidents, my friends got special treatment the rest of the night, but I was didn’t care. No one was maliciously attempting to hurt me.
Today’s goal, work on forgiveness.
Who do you need to forgive?
- Extended family
- Hospital employees
Recognize the offense you are holding on to and begin to let it go. Say it out loud or in your head. You don’t have to say much, say, “I forgive ____.”
Repeat this over and over. There is no time frame. Authentic forgiveness could take days, weeks, or months. There is no shame in how long this process takes you. All that matters is that you are working towards it.
If this process isn’t working, the following are suggestions:
- Have a conversation with the person
- Write a letter
- Pray for the person
Another person you may need to forgive is yourself.
I wanted to mention this separately from the others because this one may be the hardest one to do. I am the hardest on myself, and you may be too.
You might be mad at:
- Your body
- Not doing more to prevent this
- Not standing up for yourself
Whatever it is that you are blaming yourself for, let it go. You can do nothing now to change this, and torturing yourself won’t bring your child back. If you find you need to forgive yourself, here are two goals:
- What do you need to forgive?
- Is there more than one thing that upsets you?
Once you have identified the source of your unforgiveness, start the process of forgiving yourself. You can use the suggestions above. Forgiving yourself will take time. Allow yourself the time and always meditate on scripture.
Here is a suggestion:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 EVS
Until next time.
Disclaimer, I am not a therapist or doctor. If you are considering hurting yourself or others, please seek medical attention. This advice and may not work for everyone.